


before the night turns blue

by helsinkibaby



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Community: comment_fic, F/M, Mention of past relationship, Secret Relationship, Spoilers for season three finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 09:51:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11056479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helsinkibaby/pseuds/helsinkibaby
Summary: Caitlin has one last goodbye to say.





	before the night turns blue

**Author's Note:**

> Not even sure if this fits in timeline wise but hey, I doubt the writers are clear on their timeline either. 
> 
> Theme : free for all  
> Prompt : 
> 
> The Flash, Caitlin Snow/Joe West, ❝ Ain’t it just like you to kiss me and then hit the road. ❞  
> http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/807151.html?thread=102945263#t102945263

"Hey."

Joe's halfway up the steps leading to the precinct doors when he hears a quiet voice that he'd given up hope of ever hearing again. He stops, half turns and meets Caitlin's eyes, brown now rather than snow white. Her hair, on the other hand... well, he thinks that's going to take a little getting used to. 

Then again, if what Barry and Cisco told him on the way out of the cemetery is true, he might not get the chance. 

"Hey." She's still dressed in black, but then again, so is he. "I didn't know if I'd see you again." 

Caitlin presses her lips together, looks down briefly. She shoves her hands into the pockets of her long coat before she looks up, takes a step towards him. "Can we talk?" She looks pointedly towards the doors of the precinct, the lettering over them. "Somewhere not here." 

Considering everything that's gone on over the last few weeks - Killer Frost, Savitar, all of it - he can't blame her for being skittish around law enforcement. "There's a coffee cart on the corner," he says and he sees genuine warmth in her smile - obviously whatever changes have taken place don't include a distaste for coffee. 

They walk in silence to the cart where he buys them both a cup and they walk to a nearby bench to drink it. "Barry said you needed some time," he starts and she nods as she wraps both hands around the cardboard cup. 

"I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye." Her voice is soft. "Not to you." 

Joe doesn't quite know what to say to that, takes a sip of coffee to buy himself some time. What he comes out with - "You don't have to leave," - maybe isn't quite as eloquent as he'd like, but it's from the heart. It's what he means, the only thing he really wants to say because if the last few weeks have taught him anything it's that he doesn't want to lose her. 

Even if she's not his to lose, hasn't been for a long time. 

"Joe..." She stops, presses her lips together again as she shakes her head. A strand of long white hair works itself loose, falls into her face and she pushes it back with an impatient gesture. "I did things. Terrible things. Horrible things. Things I never thought I'd be capable of..."

"That wasn't you. That was-"

"Yes it was." The finality in her voice takes him by surprise, robs any further words from his mouth. "What I became... Killer Frost... she is a part of me." He knows he's staring, horrified at her words, but she seems to be taking that all in her stride. "Jay told me that, when he kidnapped me... that he knew there was darkness inside me. That he knew how powerful I could be."

Even now, the memory of Jay, Hunter, Zoom, whatever the hell you want to call him, made Joe's stomach churn, made his jaw clench. "You shouldn't believe a thing he told you," he growls but Caitlin just gives him a sad little smile. 

"He was right, though. When my powers manifested... I was so scared. I just pushed it all down. Just like I did with him. Just like I did after Ronnie died, after my father died, after you and I..." She doesn't go any further along that path and he doesn't know whether he should be disappointed or relieved. "All that hurt, all the pain... it had to go somewhere." She sighs, raises her cup to her lips. "It's still there," she admits after a long moment. "And I need to figure out how I can deal with that."

"You can't do that here?"

He sounds like he's clutching at straws, he knows that, and when she looks at him again, her eyes are shiny and bright. "If I could," she tells him, "you know I would." 

"Where will you go?" She sighs as she runs her tongue over her lower lip and he knows what that look means. "You're not going to tell me." She inclines her head in mute acknowledgement; he shakes his. "Will you be back?" 

"I hope so." She looks around her then, her eyes falling on the different buildings, on the people going back and forth along the street, at the world going on around them. He wonders if she's remembering all the times that they'd met up in secret, either at a coffee cart like the one they'd just used, or some other coffee shop in the city, far from the precinct, from STAR Labs, where they weren't likely to be seen. "Central City was home for a long time."

"It still is your home." He reaches out then, closes his hand around her knee. "And you'll always be welcome here." 

Her smile becomes ever more wobbly and she casts her eyes heavenward. "I shouldn't have come," she whispers. "I knew if I saw you... I'd never want to leave. But I can't stay, Joe, I can't ... I need..."

His fingers tighten on her knee. "You take the time you need," he says, and he means that. "I'm not going anywhere." He means that too, and the sob that she lets out tells him that she knows that. 

Heedless of the people milling around them, heedless of the fact that they're only a stone's throw away from his workplace, he leans in and kisses her. She tastes of coffee and the salt of her tears, but her hand is warm when it closes around the back of his head, her grip strong when she pulls him closer and deepens the kiss. He opens his mouth to hers, lets himself get lost in the moment and the memories of moments past and he only pulls away when there's a cry from somewhere in the distance behind them. 

When he looks up, the sky, blue only moments before, is an ominous shade of ever darkening grey, huge swirls of angry clouds drifting over the city. It's like no storm he's ever seen and yet there's something familiar about it, and then he remembers two years ago, standing on the roof of STAR Labs and staring into a singularity that didn't look a million miles away from what he's looking at now. 

When he looks back down at Caitlin, he knows she's thinking the same thing. 

"You need to get to STAR Labs," she tells him, already standing up. 

"Are you coming?" He's hoping against hope she'll say yes but instead she shakes her head, takes a step back from him. 

"Let me go, Joe," she says. "For both of us." 

He grabs her hand, squeezes tightly. "You come back." He doesn't know whether he's ordering her or begging her and when she squeezes his hand back, he doesn't know if she's saying yes or saying goodbye.

Maybe he doesn't want to know. 

She pulls him close, kisses him one more time. "Go," she says when she breaks the kiss and then she is gone, lost amid the crowds of people standing stock still on the street, staring up at the sky in horror. 

For a long moment, he stands there, like he's waiting for her to come back. 

Then he turns on his heel and heads for STAR Labs.


End file.
